Gonzo and Rizzo should clearly be cast as Merry and Pippin, though I’ll accept debate regarding who’s who. While Rowlf the Dog clearly can and should play Gandalf’s grey and white, my argument for a Pepe the King Prawn Gandalf begins and ends thus: “There is only one Lord of the Ring, only one who can bend it to his will, okay?”
Let’s get the rest of the casting out of the way now. Beaker and Legolas are both long and thin. Fozzie is a steadfast companion who ain’t been droppin’ no eaves. What is Rizzo but a second breakfast-loving hobbit with furry feet? Kermit the Frog and Frodo Baggins are halflings that are one and the same. Examined closely, it becomes very difficult to believe that these characters weren’t based on Tolkien’s (or, if you’re not fussed on the linear nature of time, that Tolkien’s weren’t based on them). Firstly, let’s take The Muppets in isolation. Here follows an account of why MLOTR would be perfection a gift to the foes of boredom. I do get it, and it’s a great point, really nicely made, but: the thought of living in a world where MLOTR never exists makes me want to retreat into a cave, turn grey, and lose all my hair but for a few long, wet strands flatteringly framing my face.
J.R.R Tolkien was a man of many morals, and between all that stuff about not tearing down trees, the dude was pretty clear about the all-consuming, corrupting power of greed. Classic literature + Muppets + one unexpectedly heartfelt song = a recipe for cinematic success, and yet, and yet, and yet… The Muppet Lord of the Rings does not exist. The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) exists, as does Muppet Treasure Island (1996), and no matter what those eggheads at Rotten Tomatoes say, these are the two best films in the world (2005’s The Muppets’ Wizard of Oz regrettably deserves its 30 per cent).
The Muppet Lord of the Rings (MLOTR) does not exist, although it is evident to any respectable individual that it should. I feel this saudade for The Muppet Lord of the Rings. I feel saudade so intensely that I become hyper-aware of my own skin. I feel saudade so strongly that I can make my heart crack on command. “Saudade” – like all beautiful, complicated, heavily conceptual words – has no direct translation into English but, roughly, means a pleasant and painful yearning for something that isn’t present in your life. There is no word in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of Muppet to describe a deep, nostalgic longing for something that does not exist.
0 kommentar(er)
